Practical Dating Advice for Gays and Lesbians

Dating advice for gays and lesbians isn't that much different from dating advice for anyone else. After all, everyone is looking for a date or partner they are compatible with who will show mutual respect and affection. It can be more difficult, however, to know how to proceed since there are nuances and potential problems that are unique to dating when you are homosexual. I've put together some practical dating advice for gays and lesbians that apply to a variety of situations.

Come Out of the Closet

If the person you're attracted to is already a friend, you can deal with it honestly and be straight-forward. Simply admit that you're attracted to him or her, and have been wondering if they feel the same way. If they are, make plans to get together on an official date. If they say they don't really think of you that way, be gracious and willing to continue being friends.

Great Places to Meet

Check out gay and lesbian bookstores and clothing stores in your area. You may meet someone terrific, and you can ask knowledgeable staff where some of the hot spots are in the area. Also be sure to check out the bulletin boards at bookstores – these will often list special events that can be a great place to meet people.

Look for the Pink Pages

This is a locally published list or newsletter in most larger cities that list events, clubs, bars, etc. that cater to gays and lesbians. Try visiting a few new spots each week – you'll meet plenty of new friends even if you don't find romance.

Check Out Some Courses at Your Local College

Most schools now offer several courses listed under something like "Gay and Lesbian Studies." Signing up for a few classes will not only broaden your intellectual horizons, it will give you a great way to start conversations with fellow class members.

Consider Activism

Groups promoting gay and lesbian rights are filled with intelligent, interesting people who tend to be social and multi-faceted. By doing more for the gay and lesbian community, you'll naturally meet more members of it.

Always Look Your Best

This sounds trite, but it's usually when you're not looking that you stumble onto meeting someone terrific! The key to this is keeping your mind open to unexpected opportunities. All other dating advice for gays and lesbians is beside the point if you aren't open to the possibilities when an unexpected opportunity arrives.

Consider Dating Outside Your "Type"

If you focus only on trying to find your dream date (tall, dark hair, with a specific look, for instance), you might miss the opportunity to get to know someone incredible. Don't automatically think that someone is too butch, too femme or too this or that. Go out a few times and you may surprise yourself. If not, remain friends and you'll both be able to introduce each other to friends.

Consider Internet Dating

If you are comfortable with the idea, consider Internet dating. There are dozens of sites giving dating advice and opportunities to meet gay and lesbians. These range from racy ones for quick, physical relationships to matchmaking services geared specifically to professionals looking for a life-long commitment. If you do decide to try one of these services, be sure you're aware of some of the more common acronyms used:

ALT – alternative lifestyle

BDSM – bondage, dominance and sadomasochism

Bear – a bearded man

BiF – bisexual female

BiM – bisexual male

CD – cross-dresser

DDF – drug and disease free

FTM – female to male transsexual

MTF – male to female transsexual

POS – HIV+

FEMS – a gay male who leans to the feminine side

As you can tell, dating advice for gays and lesbians is about being open to all possibilities and treating others with respect. It's good advice for anyone looking for a relationship, and will give you the opportunity to make some friends along the way

Online Dating Advice – Avoiding Internet Dating Pitfalls

Online dating advice is easy to give, but I've been amazed by how quickly most people forget the basic rules. I've been giving free online dating advice because I have two objectives – to make sure you are successful with your online dating, and to make sure you stay safe.

Below I've summarized my online dating advice in a handy list. Keep it close to your computer! If you follow these tips, you'll discover that your Internet dating experience will be more fruitful and you'll be safer.

Write a Profile that's the Right Length

Too short (just a few sentences) and most people will think you didn't put serious thought into it; too long, and they may not read to the end. Three paragraphs is a good length if you create an interesting snapshot of who you are. Mention some of your interests and past times. Observations such as "I'd love to travel to Europe sometime, but for now Italian restaurants give me a taste of what's to come," show that you're interesting and have a sense of humor.

Don't Reveal Personal Details

Never give away personal data like your last name, where you live or even where you work in your profile. It's too easy for someone to find you. While most people online are well-adjusted individuals, you can never be too careful. Until you know someone very well, don't tell them more than they need to know. This is probably the most important online dating advice and safety tip of all – meet someone for the first time in a public place. There's no leeway on this one – it provides you an "out" if you need it.

Posting Your Photo

And consider this online dating advice: photos are the downfall of many people. One of the most common mistakes is posting a bad photo. You don't have to have a formal portrait done, but you should make sure the photo is a clear, close-up shot without others in the picture. Don't post a photo you obviously took of yourself with your computer cam late at night. Also don't post photos where your ex was obviously cut out of the picture.

Please, Please don't Grovel

I've read hundreds of profiles that have phrases like, "no games – I've had enough of them," or "broken heart needs healed." This kind of stuff smacks of emotional baggage – something no one wants to start a relationship having to cope with.

Keep Your Initial Emails Friendly and Upbeat

No complaints about past relationships or how lonely you are. Instead, make sure the other person sees you as someone who is complete and happy already. If they understand that you want to add someone special to an already fulfilling life, they will be drawn to you as someone who can enhance their own life.

Be Honest about Yourself

Don't forget this important online dating advice. Fudging the facts on income, what you do for a living or what you like to do, you'll only dig yourself into a hole. At some point the truth will come out, and you'll have way too much explaining to do.

Be Truthful about What You're Looking For

If you want a serious relationship, be honest so that you don't get involved with someone who is only looking for something casual. You'll get hurt and have wasted your own time and theirs. The same goes for the opposite scenario – don't lead someone on if you know they're looking for true love but you just want someone to hang out with for a few months.

Pick Up on the Other Person's Cues

As you move on to exchanging your actual email addresses or phone numbers, be sure to pick up on the other person's cues. If he or she emails or calls and you have a great chat – wonderful! Agree at the end of the conversation when you'd like to talk again and stick with it. Don't blow them off – a sure sign you aren't reliable. On the other hand, don't call earlier or email too often – clinging like that is a definite turn-off during what should be a cautious phase.

Do Your Homework

There are hundreds of dating websites available, and many sites cater to specific groups. If you want a Christian-based relationship, consider a Christian online dating site. If you are looking for something that's purely physical, there are sites that focus on that as well. Don't just randomly pick a site. You may discover that it has lots of members, but not many who have anything in common with you.

Finally, don't give up. The best online dating advice I can give is to be patient and try a few different online dating services. It may take some time to find the right person, but along the way you can make some great friends and have some fun.